moved

been here for a while now. but i feel that now the time is apt to wrap up the past and begin on a brand new slate. the butterflies were beautiful while they lasted...the tears have dried. footprints in the sand are washed away by the tide but words etched in stone will never fade away. just like the memories in my heart

*ashes for beauty

sera is not a ballerina
thesister and mel tortured me today
making me do wierd twirls and jumps.
awfully terrible.

went to indochine the other night for daddy's birthday
which went splendidly
thefamily went a little crazy and decided to go on a mass phototaking spree
pictures
loads of laughter and wide smiles
its times like these that i really love them all

*delicate

somehow the words always seem to get stuck in my throat.
i hear it in my head
i see them swimming around
but somehow
they are just lodged deep inside unwilling to spill out.

sieving through my archives and reopening my old blog
in search for sonicfest material.
its like crawling up into the attic
poking your way through the cobwebs
to unlock the latch and lift up the lid of the old box
immerse yourself in the bittersweet memories.
run your fingers deftly over faded photographs.
a smile teasing your lips
tears playing at your eyes.

*absence of fear

"But wherefore art thou Romeo
Where have all the brave men gone
Show me one man who knows his own heart
To him I shall belong"

its time to learn to be contended.
to lie of my back and look up into the stars
savour and value all that i have around me.
to stop chasing after the unreachable rainbow's end
because all that i will get
is nothing but heartache and tears.

going to visit jovidarling in bangkok
exciting-ness please.
i cant wait.
but that means, no shopping
and no spending money till i get there.
and working my freaking ass off in the mean time.

*end eternal

and a sword will pierce your heart also

there wasnt even the faintest of a breeze
the flags hung limp
trees stood tall and stately
unmoving
beads of pespiration trickle slowly down
leaving a trail of wet on my brown and cheeks
her words hung in the stale air
replaying themselves in my mind
a wrenching pain
the iron grip around my heart
tight
hurting.
tears playing at my eyes.

i sat down today and cried for you.

*big fat belly

sinfully took the day off to bum around at home. relax in front of the telly...pig out at the expense of my diet and struggle through seconday 4 A math...differentiation and integration no less...feeling immensely Pathetic with a capital P. it scares me to realise how much i have lost touch with academic work and my brain function is retarding faster than i can catch up with it. (not that i can run very fast. but you get the idea) this is terrible. i am even having trouble articulating myself...look at what half a year of stagnation does to your brain. i really should stop writing. starting to sound immensely stupid.

*gash

"I try to laugh but cry instead
Patiently wait to hear the words you've never said "

suddenly feel overcomed with this feeling of lost and emptiness. all the jublilence and excitement and happiness of the earlier evening have left me...like a rush of cold air that leaves you tingling or bursting into a sprint and finding yourself breathless at the end of it.

thats how it is with life most of the time. we are so caught up in the moment, so lost in the heat of things...lapping it all up, soaking it all in like a sponge but yet we are like a sieve because when we stop to look back we realise that there is nothing left but a large gaping hole and an empty void. try as i might it cant be filled.

one cannot live on memories alone.
so tell me why am i still here.