in 3 days, the years gonna come to an end. seems just yesterday when i shed my blue pinafore for the white blouse, navy blue skirt and tie that felt alien to my skin. Stand in front of the mirror gazing at me..deep brown hair, crimson lips..the one feature i love about my face, which really is not much of one since there is nothing unique or outstanding about it that would cause one to halt in midstep and turn his head and stare...my arms and legs are flabby. shall cease decieveing myself. i have a tummy...one that bulges out as though i'm about three months pregnant. time to hide beneath dark coloured big clothes that hide my shape. i'm 17. but i feel old. so old....not exactly in the mood to reminisce and reflect upon the past year..at least not yet. for now i'm content to just grouse about being ugly, old and fat.

sometimes, they are not writings on the sand. instead they are carvings etched on the stone...inscriptions that can never be erased...
i havent smiled the entire day. not since you left. not since they called. i hate her. i hate her so much. its christmas. my eyes are bloodshot and tearing so bad it hurts to open them. my hair's in disarray. head weighs a ton. she is such a bitch. i have never hated anyone this much before. to think that its christmas and you're suppose to start forgiving people...reconcile? guess not this christmas...not ever..not till that stupid girl sees the light and get off my case. god sometimes people can be so dense...

its like riding a swing...and right now i'm suspended in mid air admist the clouds...white fluffy bales of cotten in the magnolia blue sky...i see you gazing up at me and i break into a smile and wave...laughter...a sound that sounds clear and loud into the distance...

thank you god for answering my prayers i'm really happy at the way things have turned up...two paths..separate..yet still side by side...i guess this is as good as it is gonna get...hope everything last...hope everything works out fine. *fingers crossed* maybe one day...in the distant future...as the sun just begins to dip beneath the horizon and the garden is bathed in the suns evening glow, the four of us would be sitting together on the patio leisurely sipping tea and indulging in idle chatter...laughing at the ignorance of our youth...maybe...just maybe...but then...i'm not really counting on that...

::abhimaan::
i close my eyes and jump. a gust of wind..then silence...silence that echos through the darkness...silence that stretches for miles...
a part of me died along with us...the day we fell apart...like a vase flung forcefully off the table...shattering into countless pieces that lay lifeless on the wooden floor...the flowers had long wilted...the water dried...all that was left were sharp thorns on limp brown sticks that draw fresh red blood from soft tender skin...

if i had the chance to say good bye...i guess this is how it would go..."thank you for all the smiles...for all the wonderful memories you have created...goodbye...i love you.." one last hug and kiss then i'd turn and walk away...hopefully by then it'd be raining...so i can hide the tears that are pouring from my eyes...

why do you always have to loose something first in order to gain something else?

the distance is twenty feet and its growing further and further with each passing moment....its like letting a balloon go and watching it float away...becoming a smaller and smaller speck in the vast sky till eventually it disappears from your sight...guess thats the way it has to be...you way up there and me here...hope you're happy...cos i'm not looking up into the sky watching and waiting anymore...in the hope of just being able to catch a glimsp...i'm running across the luscious green grass...the sun on my face, the wind in my hair...laughing...and smiling into those brown eyes that smile back at me....till we lie exhausted together on the flowerbed...admiring the hues of red blue and purple...while the butterflies dance our joy...

pitch black
darkness engulfs
swollows
my entire being sucked up by a violent force
flung into a bottomless pit
i'm falling
falling
struggling violently
kicking madly
frantically searching for something to hold on to.
cuts bruises scratches all over me
i scream...
but silence echos around me
i'm tired
exhausted
dont want to fight anymore
close my eyes
feel my hands go limp at my side
i'm falling
falling
suddenly i see a hand
streched out in font of me
i reach out
the grip strong safe and secure
i hang suspended in mid air
suspended in time
feeling the soft skin
the firm hand in my palm
feel myself being pulled softly gently upwards
my heart floats
fluttering in anticipation
to lay eyes upon the sunlight
upon that smiling face
to be swept into your warm embrace


baby thank you so much for catching me when i fell...for being that hand that i held on to...i love you...

.mine.
the past is nothing but writings on the sand to be washed away by the morning tide...everyone starts the day with a clean slate...the past will be no more than a distant memory..but yet, there will always be certain images that will stay in your mind forever..and your smile in the flickering candle light wil never fade from mine...

today's gonna be my last day at work..relived that finally...i'll have time to myself..to get some rest...been feeling totally worn out and drained...time to get some homework done too..but yet at the same time i feel sad to leave...macik, ah-yi, aunty molly, ah-mah i'l miss everyone of you...and i know in time to come...i'll miss the ringing of the cash register, the creaking of the doors, the knocking of glass..the aroma of fried chicken, garlic, chilli...but most of all the fragrant coconut that rushes up to meet your nosrils each time you open that red tumbler...i don't feel it now...but i know i'll miss the place..

supercool! this guy who;s this frequent customer at the shop who's office is upstairs and who's an editor just asked ME if i would like to write a piece for the magazine...like Omg..omg...this is absolutely wonderful...*sings*

shiwei loves you..

we're gonna take part in this cheer competion! weee~ super excited..i jsut realised how much i totally miss cheer and everything...the lack of fans..the tiled floor the mirror..the familiar melodies blasting out from the portable radio...best of all the laughter and shouts of all the girls..thats the sound unique to us. thats the one thing you can never find elsewhere...god i miss them...

went out with grace and charlotte today...an all girls day out at long last..yeah...the guys are fun to have around but i dearly miss my girlfriends man...laughs...totally...decided that we would start mugging and complete our homework...what nerds we are turning into. oh well must be hardworking for now on...hee²...i mean it. i will study hard

tomorrow's in less than 2 hours...excited. haha..why? *Shhhh....*

my heart is torn in two directions. why do i have to choose? cant i just take both? one is something that i have loved for a long time. the other, a new and interesting experience...when the music comes on, i feel liberated and i place my whole heart into the dance and i feel like someone else...hear the beat in me and everything comes natirally...but on court, its a whole different experience altogether...every move i make matters, each pass each throw the directions i run..its stressful but exciting and exhilerating...i feel myself panting..feel the blisters on the base of my feet the pespiration trickling down my back...my minds a whirl...why do i always have to make decisions like this? my heart loves them both...

sprained my ankle at camp...its pretty bad...the sinseh said its a dislocation and he very expertly shifted it back into place...heard and felt the resounding crack...surprisingly enough, it didn't hurt...but it has been very disgustingly wrapped up..wish i could remove the bandage...it looks really sick. was limping all over the place at work today..things are becoming very monotonous there...one more week then i'm leaving...sigh...i need the cash pretty bad though...dammit..