i have a wish...that you will come back to me
they say that if you pray hard enough and hope long enough, it might just come true...

around me many worlds are falling apart. examine myself and my life and feel blessed. time to be a good friend. nothing means more to be than to be able to be by their sides, staying with them till their smiles return. that never fails to make me happy.

old habits are hard to kick. old loves hard to forget. a basketballer. always and forever will be. i still love you. always will.

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel
...
So say goodbye, but don't you cry
Cause true love never dies

the sun was relentless in showing his might but i felt a chill running down my spine and soon i felt was though i was in deep freeze, my hands felt like blocks of ice...beads of pespiration on my forehead. the sun was still blazing overhead but i was cold. around me people were cheering and yelling but it was silent except for the pounding of my heart against my chest. i swear i could taste the bile on my tounge. i took a deep breath, turned around, smiled and waved....

it wasn't all that bad i guess, just have to get over the initial awkardness (hopefully thats not too high a hurdle) was just...unexpected but hey you look great. so take care and keep smiling

by the way, i got my first F...bleahs

i dont feel hate nor anger...just sampathy..for the sadness in his eyes. and simply because i have what he wants, i will give it. afterall to me it doesnt matter anymore. there really is no difference because i'm so detached from myself that what is left is simply an empty shell....there is nothing to lose because all has already been lost.

every time I think of you
i get a shot right through
into a bolt of blue
it's no problem of mine
but it's a problem I find
living the life that I can't leave behind
there's no sense in telling me
the wisdom of a fool won't set you free
but that's the way that it goes
and it's what nobody knows
and every day my confusion grows
every time I see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
i'm waiting for the final moment
you say the words that I can't say

i feel fine and I feel good
i feel like I never should
whenever I get this way
i just don't know what to say
why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
i'm not sure what this could mean
i don't think you're what you seem
i do admit to myself
that if I hurt someone else
then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

the sun scorched down mercilessly on all of us...i'm as red as a lobster. being there today brought back many bittersweet memories...its like being soaked to the skin in a wave of emotions...it comes so unexpectedly with such strength that you have no way to defend yourself against it..but i guess you could say i enjoyed myself...volley ball...andy, van, chong, zien we rule! laughs....and i have a nice rosy tan...satisfied.

strolled leisurely down along orchard after movie and dinner with the team....my girl is just a show that will make you go...awe...and want to snuggle up into the arms of that special someone and tell her/him that you love them...before the chance just simply passes you by. but thats besides the point...it was the first time that all of us really went out together...ade, char, peg, sadaff, steph, siting, yanfang, xiaohui had a splendid evening...really enjoy being among all of you. thanks so much for everything...*big hug* oh the glass house is like really pretty...pity we couldnt go upstairs though...but hell it was the people more than the place that made dinner as lovely as it was.

does anyone know what it means if you keep dreaming about a particular someone?? like reapeatedly...continuously....any idea? its way freaky...

"you were there for summer dreaming, and you gave me what I need...and I hope you find your freedom, for eternity... " [finally, after a pretty long time, i decided to take a listen to it...]

i hate it when my thoughts get coagulated in my head. its irritating cos my whole brain channel seems to be blocked up with irrelavant and stupid thoughts stagnanted there...moving around in circles like a whirlwind inside my mind. anyway, right now i'm really exhausted after three straight days of exams. i feel like i have been drained of every ounce of energy in my body and right now all i wish is to collaspe in a heap on my bed and drift off into a long dreamless sleep...
div tomorrow. then thank god...its finally going to be over.

words...syllabuls you form with your lips, sounds that fly off the tip of your tongue..letters strung together on paper...lines upon lines...they come so easily, flowing out from the tip of the nip. how much are they actually truely worth? how much truth do they hold?

oh wells, but words never do come when you need them. just like everything else in life seems to go missing when you need it most (was searching for my discman at 2 in the morning ).. like today during math...i did a grand total of 55marks worth of questions so its gonna be a miracle if i actually pass. three down and two more to go...yes i am still counting. i guess i'm just glad its over. history tomorrow. hopefully the words will come.

it takes alot to pissed me off and get me fuming mad and indifferent. congratulations cos you have succeeded.
(to me indifference is worse than hate. cos at least when you hate, you still feel. indicating that you still care)

sometimes you just get so caught up with everything thats happening around you and you just simply loose sight of reality and of what really matters...you even loose sight of youself. i'm working at finding me...its like piecing a jigsaw puzzle together...slowly delicately, sieving through the various little pieces spread out in front of you to find the ones that really fit...each and every little piece matters....just like each and every one of you do. a big thank you to all my darling friends who have never left my side. love you all so much. wouldnt know what life'd be like without you dear dear ones

Quand tu regarderas le ciel, la nuit, puisque j'habiterai dans l'une d'elles, puisque je rirai dans l'une d'elles, alors ce sera pour toi comme si riaient toutes les étoiles. Tu auras, toi, des étoiles qui savent rire!

“夜晚，当你望着天空的时候，既然我就住在其中一颗星星上，既然我在其中一颗星星上笑着，那么对你来说，就好象所有的星星都在笑，那么你将看到的星星就是会笑的星星！”

"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night... you-- only you-- will have stars that can laugh!"

two down three to go..the countdown to freedom and the end of one long week of suffering...math paper tomorrow morning...have yet to do anything but sleep and eat and eat somemore since i got back from school this evening and now here i am sitting in front of the 15" screen hands flying across the the plastic keys. thanks though to a someone who kept me company on my way home this afternoon. it is greatly appreciated. its nice to know that at the end of the day, you still do care. thanks for the laughter. and to juls for company last night...till that silly boy fell asleep and i headed home to my warm enclave with the company of my babies who i so cannot do without. perched high up there hidden from the view of everyone and among those that i so love, i feel a sense of security at serenity and no one can ever take that away from me.

in response to all the stupid shit that has been going around, i dont give a flying fuck what you or the rest of the world thinks cos as long as i know and my friends know me and accept me for who i am thats good enough for me so really just leave me alone cos its really not gonna make a difference.

by the way, i'm utterly disappointed and right now i am fuming mad. if you dont care, why should i? hell...why am i even bothering i wonder? f* it baby. i can create a path for myself...

everything has been locked up inside a box that i am afraid to even look at or touch. all my pent up emotions stashed away and hidden in safety inside that enclosed space...dreading the day when the lock finally gives way, when i'll have to face up to the harsh reality and allow myself to be overcome by the emotions that i am trying so hard to block out. the dark clouds are threatening hanging dangerously overcast...the box trembling furiously, its contents about to burst out and spill over...

one more for love -
five for fighthing
baby there's something on my mind tonight
there's a reason to believe we almost got it right
there's a fire burning in the firelight
as we roll on tonight
there's paper promises and alibis
there is certainly uncertainty in all our eyes
but as long as you are here I'll be all right
as we roll on tonight
so you go out...I'll go on
if there's a doubt...we'll be strong
as we go on singing
one more for love my love
one more for love...
there's always blood to fill the heart betrayed
there are children being born to every house that's raised
and we're getting closer to where we got it made
as we roll on tonight
so you go out...I'll go on
if there's a doubt...we'll be strong
as we go on singing
one more for love my love
one more for love...
i'm never going to wait for anything
never going to break for anything
cause I am one more for love my love
one more for love
one more for love my love

the house seems empty and quiet without her around...
hurry home little one...
you're dearly missed.

lying down in the middle of the court today, staring up at the clouds that filled the vast sky...couldnt help but feel a tinge of regret at some of the choices that i've made...at the way some things have turned out. but then again, there are just too many 'if onlys' to begin with and if i were to go through each and every single one of them, the list would be far too long and my life right now, would be way different. however, i'm pretty sure that one thing's still gonna stay the same. that is, that i'd still be here lamenting thing about what it would have been like if i had taken the other path...its this never endless vicious cycle and the grass will always seem greener on the othere side...

two more days to block test one and boy am i ever so screwed. it seems too long before its over but way too soon when they arrive...my brain is just about fried and overloaded...something like an egg about to explode (wait, i dont think eggs can explode but what the heck, you get the picture) i guess yeah, i am looking forward to the day i write that last word on the dreaded line and hand up that hedious piece of paper..but then again, there really isnt much that awaits me at the end of everything...nothing and no one to come home to...maybe just honey, timmy and my darling winnie the pooh..my babies, guess they'll suffice...but still i wish...

toady, i thought about the cleaning lady...the image of her carefully made up face, the immaculately polished nails...the glittering diamond ring and that smile just popped into my head. somewhat like a jack in the box when it springs up in front of you unexpectedly. and then inevitably, i thought about the shop...the marble floor that narrow space behind the counter...that lovely blind spot and i thought of you. gosh thats like such a long time ago isn't it? but then again..maybe not...

st nicks today...lay down on the benches staring at the familiar clock on the wall and the awfully awfully high ceiling...the fans whirring away overhead...it always feels good to go back...miss those days of girlish laughter and squeals where boys were nothing but irritants in the distance that were blocked out in the safety of the purple pink and white walls...

is it possible, in the final analysis for one human being to achieve complete understanding of another?
We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know the other person, but in the end, how close can we come to that person's essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?

stelli invades ! (: -grins.
sorry..hehh. am seriously bored at home..nothing to do.. l:
so decided to help ya repair ur blog a lil.. (:
the alignment looks better now,no ? (: -grins.
sorry i took so long on e comp yesterdae,dearr.
sorry ! forgive me ?
i'll do nicer layouts for u if you want.. (: -grins.
hees. xP
cinderella tonite ! -screams.
so excitedd ! -grins
cya home soon` (i hope.. )
loveya loads. (:

closer than your closest friend
someone who will be there till the end

exhausted, elated, emotional
my brains are fried...at least...whatever's left of them.
today has been a crazy crazy day.

went to school in the morning for math make up
was one of the 7 there from my class.
walked out after 1 1/2 hour.
my legs were cramped, my back was aching, brain at saturation point.
wasnt concentration therefore the lost logical conclusion:get out of there!

went to holland village for coffee with grace.
over vanilla, hot chocolate and muffins, filled her in on my life thus far
spent the morning catching up and talking about a particular someones
tai tais at the table next to us
fantasized about how wonderful it would be to live lives like that
married, happy and accomplished.

met li jie to study where once again i attacked my books fervently.
okay maybe not..
but hey i tried.
somehow my mind seemed far away
somewhere among the clouds...admist purple flowers in the green blue fields.
where i could just close my eyes and listen to that familiar voice and feel safe and at home.
rushed against time to finish their cards.
my poor poor arms still aching.

met abby, lijie, priscilla, vivien, wei wei, yiwen for dinner
thank you all for such a lovely lovely time..
miss all of you so so much
everyone seems to have grown...
mature, prettier...
it felt so nice to be back among everyone again
went mad. went crazy...
hyper. high

after making a mess at cartel, took a leisurely walk to cine
making a spectacle of ourselves along the streets
bounding along lost in our own world
bumped into xav and gerald along the way
*hug hug* my dear friends
met shiwei at work...
this is a public apology:
sorry if my appearance upsetted you or got you into trouble. sorry for making a fool out of myself and acting like a total moroon.baby take care. smile please.

...

BOMB THREAT AT NGEE ANN CITY
guess thats what the headlines'll be screaming tomorrow
li jie and i actually walked down to get a closer look...
tee-hee
i think we were a bit mad
felt this mad rush of adrendaline
but hey its like a once in a life time thingy
wouldn't wanna have missed out on it.
nothing much.
just alot of men in uniform standing guard around the blue and white tape.

parted,
went our separate ways home
till the next time,
i'll miss ALL of you
each and every single one
yes, i mean you too

i guess we both did find our way out of the dense forest and into the sunlight after all...on two separate paths no doubt...but two paths that are still side by side...they might converge to meet again somewhere in the road up ahead or diverge into the distance..who is to tell? but i'm truely glad we made it through and even happier that you're still close by...friendship is a gift that will last for all time.

beyond my tears...i can see your smile...and everything just doesnt seem so bad.

crying

that familar wave of emotions
washes all over me
drenched from the rain
soaked to the skin
flushed
crimsom blood
petals of the rose
hiding the torns
close my eyes
darkness
but i still see you
a trickle
its raining again
a brilliant flash of light
a low rumble in the distance
fast and furious
fall to the ground
born in my eye
dead on my lip

feel like i'm lost deep in the heart of the forest..struggling to find my way out...days into weeks...slowly i'm loosing hope of ever making it...its dark..scary and cold and the breeze blows through rustling the leaves and making my hair stand...i seem to be walking aimlessly round in circles..cuts and bruises all over my body from crawling through the bushes and bumping into trees...i know you're in here somewhere with me too but what scares me most is that i have lost sight of you. i've shouted myself hoarse but there's still no reply...can you truely bare to leave me behind? the last ray of hope has gone and i surrender myself to the darkness and succum to the weariness and pain.

"My love for will never end..you'll always be apart of me...as long as time keeps on passing by...you'll always be my baby boy.."
feel like a sponge just absorbing everything i read...but i'm like at saturation point already and can barely retain anything that i have taken in...i've read so many words that i've lost count...everything just seems to be a replica of the previous one. words upon words upon words...page after page...they are just meaningless alphabets strung together and printed on a plain white sheet eo serve the sole purpose of making my eyes blur and my life miserable..man studying really sucks...

impatiently waiting in eager anticipation. excited, worried, afraid...emotions welling up inside of me so much so that i can almost taste them on my tongue. is this the begining of the end?

its really funny how things seem to have come full circle and i'm right back at the begining all over again...how something i said so long in the past seems to perfectly express what i'm feeling now...

date: wednesday, October 22nd 2003

::why did you have to leave::
climb up that few steps only to find myself back in the hole again. does sunlight shine only for that blink of and eye and then to take cover behind the clouds again? it's such a tease, enticing me with its sweetness and light then pulling away again leaving behind darkness and bitterness and that longing and thirst for somemore. even if it were to just be a glimsp or a brief touch, i'd be contented. if not for always, at least for a little while. my life seems to be lived so much on borrowed and stolen time. when will it truely be mine?

only this time, i'm not going to give up without a fight

So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love to light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone, could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would,
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you
...

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time


there will always be an angel by your side...i promise...

i might write about it, i might not...but just thought i'd rush out a thank you...
gerald, julian, xavier thanks for today...for all the concern...for making me laugh...for just being the great company you guys always are...really really enjoyed myself...*gives all of you a really tight hug* love you all so much...thanks again...

feel like a baby learning to walk...small little unsteady steps before falling down all over again....but i'm not going to give up...i'm bruised all over but i'm still gonna try...appreciate all the support and love that has been shown to me...i will make it...

somewhere close by another world has fallen apart...time to be a good friend. just as she was to me..


skipped school today...had chicken rice!! (the one at far east) was so so tasty...been wanting to eat it for so so long...tasty...tender..mmm...so so good...and the chilli...heavenly! tracy darling...thank you so so much for everything....

a friend sang this to me...and some how...i couldnt help but realise how true it was. how much sense it made...

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still-frames in your mind.
Hang it on the shelf of good health and good time.
Tattoo's of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

sat crying there alone by the road....along came a group of people...very special to me...sat down upon the cold concrete..tissue paper and hugs galore before holding my hand and helping me up and lending me the support i need. thank you all so very very much. wouldnt have known what i'd done without you. indeed i am so lucky to have you as my friends...love you all...

in the brightly lit room that was so cold i kept myself tightly wrapped up beneath my black jacket, around the grey specked table with cable cars slowly crawling along way up high in the air beneath my back...i found solace and comfort in the company of someone whom not too long ago was but another stranger along the streets...i found a friend worth keeping....thank you once again...please, do the favour you said you would...take care.

sat upon the stone steps...talked myself hoarse...remenising about the past..lamenting about everything...restraining her from doing something impulsive....silly girl...but gosh...love her to bits...really wouldnt know what i'd do without you...
the cool breeze was blowing gently in our faces...tiny little stars dotted the sky...i shivered a little..wished you were there to share the moment...to keep me warm

woke up from a beautiful dream to live a hedious horrific nightmare.

i'm back in that room again...huddled in the corner, curled up against the wall...i think i'm bleeding..but i'm not sure...its too dark to see...theres no light at all. the sun has set in my life and the glow from the candle has gone out. all i know is that i'm hurting and the pain is so bad. its so so cold..so empty..so quiet...so alone..

saving my smile for you.

I've seen this place a thousand times
I've felt this all before
And every time you call
I've waited there as though you might not call at all

I know this face I'm wearing now
I've seen this in my face
And though it feels so great
I'm still afraid
That you'll be leaving anytime

We've done this once then you closed the door
Don't let me fall again for nothing more

Don't say you love me
Unless forever
Don't tell me you need me
If you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling
I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away

i'm panting so hard..struggling to keep up...my shirt is drenced in pespiration, clinging to me like a second skin..i feel like just giving up...stopping turining back and crawling back into my room and locking the door...the darkness and silence seems inviting, enticing and welcoming. i hate the soliditude i'm afraid of being alone...but then again..i'm not up to facing the world either...everyone with their false smiles and faces...its like riding the train...flying from stop to stop...the opening and closing of the door..people step in and out and you just watch as everyone hurries along their way...wonder what they are thinking...what they're going to do next. everyone seems to have some destination in mind...where then am i heading? i just seem to be running aimlessly around in the train...from one carriage to another...never getting down...trapped in this vicious repetative cycle that we call life...opened the door to the sunlight and your warm embrace but so many things seem to be pushing me back into that cold empty room again...please hold me tight and pull me along before unknowingly i'll just slip back behind the wall and it'd be too late...

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

results day today. the tension and excitement was almost tangible...with a knife, i seriously think one could have sliced through it...saw that familiar head sticking out of the crowd and squealed in delight...rushed over for a hug almost tripping over myself in the process. it was nice seeing everyone back again...they looked absolutely gorgeous...some more than others...she is just so pretty! *laughs* and of cos the guys with their shaven heads...what an adorable sight...somehow...admist all the laughter and smiles around me, couldnt help but feel a sense of foreboding...imagine mysef a year down the road but somehow all i see is darkness and tears..sigh~ the future just seems pretty bleak right now...yes i am actually worried about the upcoming exams believe it or not..wtf right? i'm turning into a nerd. how do you think i'd look with plastic glasses, high socks and a low pony tail? pretty impressive huh? now thats a thought for a halloween costume...

to a particular someone with straight As and an A1 for GP: congratulations on your fantastic results. (i sincerely mean it) so now please get your ass to Havard and out of my life...no do not study law at NUS cos i still dream of going there somewhere in the near future and i definitey will not appreciate seeing you there...so good bye and good luck...

But if in some dream there was brightness
If in some memory some sort of sigh
And flesh be revived in the shadows
Blessed our bodies would lay so entwined
And I will oh I will not forget you
Nor will I ever let you go

tuesdays are sacred...they are meant for just us to while away...together. just you and me...like how its meant to be...i really did have a beautiful dream...

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

happy birthday baby!
hope you had a good time...

See I dont, know why,
I liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, I loved you,
now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain,
I wanna let u know how I feel

Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fucked presents
might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses,
they didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe,
I dont want you back