pictures!class party

okay but i have to admit that in the end it wasnt so bad and i did have a great time. surprisingly enough i stayed till the end though someone would be horrified to know. watched the tennis ball fly out of the court, the guys fooling around. laughed till my sides ached. filled my tummy with the screams of everyone cluttered around the table overflowing with food (thanks mr yoong i absolutely loved the cake) and seeing everyone's smiling faces was definitely worth the wait...
26 floors down to the basketball court where to the dismay of a few groups of guys present there, we plonked ourselves right in the middle to play taboo hilarious. and our faces shone brighter than the lights overhead. loads of things happened which i have ommited due to the fact that i hate mundane records and reports of events but believe that i'll post pictures soon if i can..
special thanks for company on the journey home.
my beds beckoning to me and its time to rest my aching feet...

oh did i mention that edithdearest came to churcch with me today? *beams* so sweet of her to actually got up on time. and so sweet of me to walk her almost all the way home in my high heels. silly girl sorta mesmerized by ryan's hair...have to admit that it was pretty nice...(just the hair baby...kidding..you know i think you're )

wrote it as i was waiting by the pool...bored and alone..relatively pissed off
the azure blue clouds slowly turn to grey aas dusk approaches. the sun's rays are fading in intensity. a breeze is blowing. perhaps rain is approaching but honestly i couldnt care less. close to an hour. listening to the crashing of the man made waterfall, watching the ripples on the surface of the swimming pool and the occasional swirl of blue white and red as the beach ball enters my line of vision. screams and shouts of children nearby, splashing happily around in the pool. WTF am i doing here i woonder. An hour. the roses would most probably have wilted, the salad gone bad. my stomach's rumbling and my feet's numb from the akward position i'm in. still no sign of them. yes in all honesty, i am pissed. have i mentioned thati hate waiting?

its getting harder and harder to find a reason to defend you or with regards to why i still care...the hole's deeper, the gap wider, the wall taller and much sturdier..unreachable and untouchable...i'd honestly much rather be a stranger than an enemy could i really hate you? honestly i have no idea..there are ripples on the water's surface and its way to murky to see..

its every girls dream but now that theres a possibility of this dream coming true for me and opportunity knocks, do i make the move and open the door? somehow it still seems so surreal. like its still this stratling castle atop white fluffy clouds

took this when we when we were out shopping..nice tops right? laughs. the latest addition to our wardrobes 

i hate getting disappointed. more than anything ever. and right now, i could almost hate you. how ironical isnt it? the absolute contrast to the perfect end of term i was hoping for. fuck it all. fuck to you too.

look straight into the eyes of someone you love, only to see a stranger staring right back at you

until the day they burn my body, i will still love you...
decided to give school a miss today so for the first time in a long time got to sleep till the sun was streaming in through the windows...spent the day with edithdarling who so wonderfully made her way over to keep me company. spent the entire day just lazing around...letting our fat asses rot...so much for discussing history...but i had fun nontheless...rubbish and life and dreams are way way more interesting than mao, Ho chi minh, stalin and the stupid UN...and definitely, so is troy way more entertaining and engaging. caught it again today...lovely, lovely, lovely immensely lost for words. writers block. not concentrating.brains been switched off for too long already..update another time...

i hate reaching the station only to watch the train pass me by
i hate being but on hold or on the second line
i hate running for the bus (its way too un-glam)
i hate having the phone ring and no one answering
i hate having my calls rejected
i hate waiting
i hate being stared at
i hate being wrongly accused
i hate being alone
i hate crying
i hate fighting esp with friends and family
the list goes on...

Each day she would return to that same spot on the sidewalk. Her face plastered to the glass panel, her gaze fixed on the multitude of toys and smiling children in the store. She couldn't make out their chatter or laughter but she could hear that hearts singing in joy. There was a bitter, sour taste rising up in her throat - was it jealously? She swallowed hard trying to rid the taste from her tongue. She wanted so much to be one of them. To be able to walk in through the entrance of the store and reach out to hug the teddy bears and play with the dolls but she would never be allowed in. A little boy looked up at her and waved, his toy car in hand. He looked at her, a confused look in his eyes and tried to reach out to her. But the glass kept him away and that's the way it will always have to be - each of then on two different sides of the glass.

started the morning with a history seminar at mandarin hotel and had definitely a more interesting time that i thought i would. ram and yoong are ultimately amazing to say the least...immensely un-teacherlike but wonderful still nontheless. dont worry, the secrets safe finally got to apologise and talk to DT...got to catch up with long lost friends saw quite a numver of familiar faces...the world's getting way smaller...vanished after a most disappointing lunch of chatterbox chicken rice which infortunately does not live up to its name...wandered the streets with bing chen and BX my first escorts of the day...laughs...thanks guys for the company. had a good time and thanks for the laughter deposited me with the netballers and we headed the streets on a fervernt shopping spree. got ade to try on clothes at zara *grins* had loads of fun with the girls...really enjoy these shopping trips that we have together. love you all so much! *muaks* yewteng thanks dearie for keeping me company today...felt really sinful wasting an entire day but had a great time anyway. *hugs* and yewsong came to pick me up later and we continued roaming the streets of town. yupp...second pair of escorts...haha...finally..much later got to rest my feet at dinner at subway went we went to join alex and nick. oatmeal rasin cookie! super-duper nice...
a good day to say the least...

boy thank you for being there with me on my journey home and for being there before i fell into my deep slumber. beneath the cool breeze from the air conditioner, even if only for a brief moment, your warmth and presence brought a soothing calm that made me forget now to remember ...a touch that somehow always seems to make it all better. you're the only one who's been let into my secret garden...to watch it slowly grow and blossom. you've seen its beauty and felt its torns- or were you simply there with me right from the start? a graden created by not one but two pair of hands? out of nothing but a deep love, friendship, understanding, acceptance and trust

the grains of sand continue to fall...we both know that our time is running out. i choose not to count how many day's are left, but treat each day as another gained. a precious gift from god above

I seek solace in solitude something I used to fear and despise. But somehow, its comforting just lying atop dark pink cotton sheets teddy bear in my arm and gazing up at the whitewash that is just inches from my face. The void in me just seems to be growing wider, that sense of longing stronger. In hope that Ill find something to fill that gapping emptiness inside of me. God, this is fucking depressing. I hate PMS.. detest that roller coaster of emotions that it puts me through.. scaling heights one moment and plummeting towards the ground the next with barely enough time to catch my breath or even scream..

The sun shone for but a fleeting moment before taking cover behind the thick foliage of the clouds once again. Sitting here amidst the darkness immersed in my own thoughts. A deafening thud overhead. If only the ceiling could just cave in on me...my whole world already seems on the verge of crashing down on me.

basketball guys won their match today and the girls put up a fight. congrats y’all...well done! Played wonderfully...great game! I am happy for them..really cheering my heart out and clapping till my palms smarted. Erupted into elated screams when the whistle blew…smiled down proudly at them. But somehow, right now, the sunlight just cant seem to break through the clouds.

There is a clear line between possessive, obsessive and clinically insane. When will you be satisfied? When I disappear from the face of the earth? Then go ahead. Kill me...bitch I’m just as sick and tired as you are of everything.

the party has disbanded...the flowers and have whilted and the silence is deafening..all thats left are a few discarded wine bottles strewn carelessly across the floor, confetti littered all over the ground. she stood there, in her white gown of french lace and satin, her hem of her skirt sweeping the ground and her long train a trail of white snow behind her. she gazed forlorn and expanctly across the horizon, still hoping and waiting for that familiar figure to appear, to pull back her veil and plant the kiss on her lips. to say the words that would claim her as his and forever bind them as one. everyone else had given up hope but her...she would wait as long as it would take. he wouldnt disappoint her. she knew she wouldn't.

"the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and how to let it come it."
it might have just been a measley $2 bowl of duck noodles but it tasted nothing short of a delicacy. spicy, salty with a tinge of herbal flavour..and the soup is just fantastic...between ryan and i, polished off three bowls...well some things just never change. the stupid drinks stall auntie is still as sultry and gruesome the duck noodle stall's service just as slow but we had an immensely good lunch nontheless...honestly, today is like such a rare treat...if only the moon was blue everyday.

"if you dont excel in something or if its not gonna take you anywhere then whats the point of doing it?"
engaged in conversation on the journey home and somehow it just stuck. looking at my life now, i guess ive accomplished close to nothing of great importance. not in piano or basketball or i dont know..just nothing. does that then mean that i have just wasted my entire youth being unable to carve out a niche for myself? was turning away from sprinting the wrong path to take? if i had contiued training and runnning, would i have achieved something? i really dont know. is there a point in chasing a passion or dream if nothing much is gonna come out of it in the end?

the sound of mahjong tiles is accompained with laughter and the aroma of mummy's cooking flooding our nosrils. its days like these that bring out the simple pleasures in life and the joy of being among your family. Swung by to pick shiwei up after church. the once familiar marble table and huge black sofa somehow just seem all too foreign. it was the same...yet different...anyways, came back over to my place where we both actually managed to get work done before hitting the tiles...angelo and firmin joined us later to complete the four. (when mummy had to go and cook) sitting around the dinner table, looking at everyone's smiling faces listening to their laughter and incessant chatter and tease, couldnt help but feel overcome with this sense of satisfaction and happiness. like at the end of the day...this is all i have to come home to...feel really lucky...thanks a lot to all of you..really appreciate everything

firmin played something about you and power of love on the piano and shiwei sang the way you look tonight for me thank you so much baby....*beams* on top playing loads of nice songs on the guitar...beams...happy..but i'm feeling pretty useless about my musical abilities...oh wells...

edith calls...time to be a good friend.

currently still feeling rather high and in a rather good mood.
after effects left carried over from yesterday
*beeg smile*
loads and loads of hugs day
someone was really sweet and nice...*hugs*
dragged my lazy ass to play basketball with ben and ryan --something that has become a daily feature in school life.
very very important.
helps lose weight and build muscles. i'm improving! Wee~
bumped into shiwei hug ben and friend in town as we were loitering around waiting for dinner time. happy definitely. *beams* a pleasant surprise indeed. looking great darling...both literally and figuratively..haha..anyways, keep smiling aight? take care baby
and then just before dinner saw gerald huganother nice and good thing...haven't seen him in eternity i think...catch up catch up catch up then headed off to NYDC for dinner with wen, vivien, wei, prisc, abby, lijiehug hug hug hug hug but as usual, everyone was late...whats new i wonder...but over savory baked rice and sinfully glorious and delicious cheesecake and ice-cream we had a lovely lovely time.
and then i watched troy with angelo
thanks yarh dear. really enjoyed the movie...and i still feel bad so...sorry!
now can you see why i'm happy??
and oh the last hug of the day came from the most lovely creature ever.
his name's bow
nice brown silky hair...beautiful eyes
he's just so totally gorgeous.
an immensely handsome golden retriever indeed...

troy
from the start when the sun first kissed the earth illuminating the vast land till the end as whirls of thick grey smoke rise up into the heavens...it was an amazing and beautiful movie. The sound of metal clashing against metal, the swishing of sword blades and arrows as they sliced through the air, the gallant trot of the horses. sand sweat and blood flying in all directions...the love anger hate respect and responsibility. the golden locks and chiseled features of brad pitt and the muscles of eric banna are honestly just added perks..ReaLLy!

i'm not afarid of dying myself...i'm afraid of loosing the ones that i love...
darling please dont ever leave...i'm so afraid of losing you. honestly wouldnt know what to do if you were gone

"...it is the sudden stop at the end."
somehow the words from this mornings chapel seem stuck in my head. death...are you afraid of dying? strangely enough, i'm not. in fact, if today were to be my last on earth, then so be it. no doubt i would have a few regrets and words that i wish that i did or did not say and things that i wish i'd done or not done, but the thought of suffering is what brings chills to my spine. imagine just lying there, inmobile, in pain and agony, a burden to the people around you. That by far is so much more frightening...life on earth is but a temporary passing...permanance is life in christ...yes mdm chan i do believe that i will go to heaven...get off my case alright?

if ever one day i should leave this world for good, and you all would wish to remember me, please let the image you have be one of my simling face. For all my inequities, all my mistakes and all the times i've hurt anyone, i offer my sincere apologies and ask for your forgiveness. To all the people who have always been there by my side, sharing in my joy and my pain..thank you from the bottom of my heart. please do not cry for me for i am unworthy of your tears..neither do i wish my passing to be mourned for then it would seem that death is an unfortunate thing, but as mentioned before, i believe otherwise...if there has to be a funeral procession, let everyone be dressed as though they are going for a party...in a myraid of colours...with smiles on their faces as you wish me good luck as i embark on another phase in my life...silly boy dont be sad..cos now, i can truely be that angel watching over you and never leaving your side...

to me you were never anything less than beautiful
so dont you worry...
i'm your angel standing by.

Happy Birthday AbbY!!
brownies, ice-cream, muffins and a candle that wouldn't be lit...smiles claps and shouts of 'happy birthday' echoed all around...darling girl...hope you had a lovely day

after eternity, played ball together again today...sprinting up and down the court...laughing at each other's stupidity and lousiness...the swift 'chop' sound as the ball sliced through the net, the bouncing of the ball against the tiled floor...off the rim, off the fibre glass board...and of cos more than anything...you

time is swiftly slipping by...

just heard here without you...i think i just opened the cage again...i'm watching the blutterflies flutter in front of me in different hues of red, purple, blue, pink..and whichever colour you can think of. filled with this sense of longing to be among them again...tearing across the green grass, the sun in my eyes, to feel their soft wings against my fingertips..sigh~ in one of my nostalgic moods again...little insignificant things always seem to trigger that button which i usually keep so well hidden...nevermind, shall occupy myself with looking at the pretty little things and smiling at the memories.

can you hear the breaking of her heart? taste the saltiness in her tears? feel the crumbling of her world? do you even care? darling girl be strong....i'll always be here by your side

watched centerstage today with my darling sister...do i feel inspired to dance? i don't know. feeling increasingly numb and devoid of feeling as the days go by. nothing much really seems to matter anymore. it seems as though i've ceased to truely want something. yes, i do dream but somehow i cant seem to find the motivation to propel me towards reaching that castle on the cloud. sitting down and gazing up and them sparking and shinning in the distance, i cant help but wonder if that is indeed where i wanna be....i want it, but not bad enough to get my lazy ass off the bed to make that treachous climb but the beanstalk. i'm contented just drifting in oblivion, floating atop the clear blue waters and laying my head down upon the green grass, the sun in my eyes...but then again...am i really satisfied?

i can no longer run..the reality of knowing..it hurts...more than the searing pain...i never knew it was really that bad and the severity and intensity of it all just seems almost too much to bear. from racing against the wind, i have fallen to simply limping along and lagging behind it, watching the backs of the people ahead grow smaller and smaller as they fade into the distance. i hate it. hate it so much because no matter how hard i try, there's nothing i can do about it. F* even my strides are screwed up, i feel so restrained and restricted and my knee is practically yelling...i can never run again

i'm really sorry for screwing up the race today. most sincere apologies. and heartfelt congratulations on your victory

home alone alone again with just the TV and my teddy bear for company. sigh~ how pathetic is that? my baby sister has one hell of a packed social calander..tsk tsk. i think i need to start finding a life...and paying attention to myself. getting majorly FAT...and UGLY...looks like i'm really gonna be left on the shelf...hee² ...am i supposed to be worried?? hmmm..i honestly dont Care!!! wee~~~

mummy and daddy's 25th wedding anniversary today...and we went out for dinner tonight. for the first time in a long time we sat down together for a good meal. laughter and chatter beneath the candlelight and over steak and coffee...dragged them to take neos with us. it was hilarious i swear...daddy mummy mei....love all of you so much...and we must take the card thingy together again k?? wear nice nice...*laughs*

growing more attached to you each passing day....i'll miss you when you're gone. the clocks ticking away and all too soon, it'll be nothing but a memory. a bittersweet aftertaste on my tongue.

my heart was in my mouth and i had to bite my lips to keep it from jumping out.
caught between screaming my lungs out and being stunned into silence.
my heart was racing...
faster than the bouncing of the ball..than their footsteps across the court.
it was sweltering and bodies upon bodies were packed together in that small hall
but my hands were icy cold
time seemed to be flying away
the gap wider,
then closer
then wider again
i was on my feet
yelling
screaming
babbling incoherently
squeezed my eyes shut
couldnt bare to look.
the whistle blew
and we erupted in cheers and cries...
jumping up and down
embracing each other in immense joy
a single point
we werent actually on court or part of the team
but we truely felt that were were part of the game with them....
We WOn!!!

a lot of talk about medical ethics flying all across the room...got me thinking about the morbid subject of death...which i feel is actually not that intimidating or terrifying after all...

To alL my friends and family members and the doctors who might one day be attending to me:

if one day, i hang on the threshold of death and all that sustains me is the life support system by my side with its constant beeping, please, turn the switch off and should my heart stop beating ever, do not try to resuscitate me to get my heart going again.
if it is possible, i would like my organs to be donated to those who might be in need of them. may my death be able to bring someone the gift of life. do not be startled if you find my heart gone, it has already been given away to someone special...please baby keep it safe
its not that i dont treasure my life or respect or accept the medical advances. its just that i dont see a point in prolonging the suffering and pain and making myself a burden to the people around me. i want everyone to remember me healthy and smiling, to remember the world as a beautiful place. i'd be happy knowing that i've come so far especially having people who love and care so much for me...

thank you all so much
love always,
sera

SA beat VJ...twiCe!!
screamed myself hoarse from the sidelines
my heart racing
feel the adrenaline pulsating through my viens
but in my heart i feel that same sense of longing
to be the one out there flying across the court
bodies against bodies
wrestling
fighting
still remember the days in white and blue
a time not so long ago
when all we had was each other and the ball
and the strong urge and drive to do our best
a bond that can never be broken
ice kachang and tou hua
tastes that will always bring a smile to my lips
as the image of the fond memories appear before my eyes

went to study with ade, siting, peg, steph,sadaff..were halfway through work when some people came in and someone smiled at me!!! for the FIRST time!!! *melts* whahhahaha...no but seriously...heh...just that the someone in qustion is someone i've admired...(note its admired...as in idolised???) for a really long time...hee²..happy!

watched liu xing hua yuan again last night...or a little bit of it before i surrendered to the weariness and fell asleep on the floor...*laughs* had a netball stayover last night at ade's house....it was loads loads loads of fun....the girlish laughter and chuckles...the oggling and drooling...and of cos the gossiping...without which each girls' night in would be incomplete...am honestly starting to wonder why there has to be male speices in this world cos i'd be absolutely contended if they never existed...i really starting to treasure the girls...gonna miss them loads. i really have to say a big thank you for acceptiong me into the family. i know you all had your doubts and apprehensions but i'm really glad that you all gave me a chance. found a group of friends that i treasure. thank you. love you all so much.

in a bid to go through an image and character overhaul to become a hardwroking nose to the grindstone nerd, despite being desperately in need of sleep, i dragged myself out of the house to go meet yewteng to study. my diet once again failed me as i sccummed to the delicious mouth watering tiramisu...(chocolate and vanilla mousse, coffee, brandy, cake...a delicacy indeed) the bed with its two mogus was way too tempting and thankfully we left for bk where we met alex and got down to serious study...accomplishments for today? 6 complex number questions (most of which incomplete) and 20 MCQ for econs...not much..but at least its a start...

i've just realised that we're more alike then we thought we were..in a lot more ways then you ever know. secrets locked up deep inside our hearts the emptiness and uncertainty behind the mask. i can see what you're trying to hide...i just chose never to bring them up...to turn a blind eye - cause it would hurt not just me...but you too. sometimes the truth is so plain but you just wont admit it...its staring you straight in the face but you cant see it...you'd be amazed at how much i knew...things that perhaps you yourself never even noticed. things are not always what they seem baby...my wish for you was happiness and i still do hope that once in awhile, i'll be able to see that smile...

this is such a fucking irony
it is the most unreasonable thing i've ever seen
screw off...go f* yourself