it will simply rise to the surface again.
pointless in pretending that its not there
it will only remain an eye sore.
get used to it floating in the vast ocean
and work your way around it...
soon you will even cease to note its existence.
it becomes part and parcel of life.
standing with my feet rooted to the ground with a chain round my ankle.
tied to the fire hydrant.
this time i refuse to budge.
and i'm gonna do everything i can to make sure it remains that way.
and i still want to be yours.
watching over you from afar
behind me i hear the shrieking of children...their hurried footsteps across the ground the tunes from their electronic lanterns like a broken record playing incessantly in the background.
the joys of childhood and innocence.
the simple pleasures of sparklers and paper lanterns.
watch their eyes light up at the sparks, the glow mirrored in their smiles.
and the moon shining down overhead.
closer to us today than it will be for a while.
her gentle glow illuminating the dark velvet sky.
lijie darling owe you a huge thank you for dragging your little self out of the house to meet me. love you loads
and edithdearest...dont worry didnt forget you. we'll learn how to open coconuts again next time..*laughs* and continue to look for cheap places to cut your precious crown of glory...silly auntie...but i love you all the same.
the river is theatening to overflow.
water storms rapidly down stream while the rain clouds continue to unleash their fury.
the river banks are being eroded.
soon the barricades will fall
and floods will come to wipe out everything in sight.
i want to forgive.
i hate the burden on my shoulder
the weight in my heart...
but yet i dont know if i'm up to it..
if i'm ready to bring myself to.
i am in fact majorly freaked.
if i were to be pacing up and down in a field,
there would be a deep depression beneath my feet,
the grass trodden on and dead.
the sky is overcast and the rain clouds are threatening to unleash their fury.
perfect.
in line with my mood.
someone is playing a game that is not even fun.
i hate it when people simply just jump to conclusions and make assumptions about each and every single thing.
I'm over it and i'm sick and tired of everything.
what does a girl have to do to make the world believe?
i can stand up and tell you without fear of my nose growing longer that i have done nothing wrong
i simply refuse to live life by your rules and will do whatever i deem right.
its a matter of perception.
i already see partially through your eyes.
borrow my glasses and take a look through mine.
i am no angel.
but then again, neither are you.
filled with this sudden urge to get my ass over to Birmingham to do law with business studies..
but of cos there are the restrictions of three beautifully crafted As and the deep rooted desire for cash..
so thats close to goodbye to the fantasy..
just mere castles in the clouds that are way beyond my reach.
studied with abby and yewteng today
decided to give going to meet candice and the other a miss.
due to the fact that i wasnt feeling particularly sucidal today..
feeling rather unaccomplished though..
didnt really do much except play with pokey and mocha
oh wells...bleahh..
grand prix tomorrow
*beams*
something to look forward to.
just got spit out of the tornado that i call life
to finally take a breather by the side of the road and examine the damage it has done.
havent fully come back to earth as yet
still feeling suspended in mid air...
hovering above the tree tops yet still below the clouds.
quite a bit's been happening these last few days..
received the verdict of my countless charges..
seeking solace in the company of the almighty.
sidetrack
i love my butler.
just got back from visiting whiskey
who has got a tad stubbier
but he still smells nice and is just as adorable as ever..
that little ball of brown fur running around on his stubby legs...
kawaii
so dont get angry angelo cos i still think he's lovely..
but then not nearly as lovely as the 2 husky pups we saw today that i have absolutely totally hopeless am head over heels in love with...
it was a good rubberband indeed.
having kept my hair in place and held it up these past few months
keeping it out of the way and out of my face.
it will be dearly missed.
am also currently missing my spectacles.
they have apparently grown legs and walked themselves away
and settled down in some secluded corner out of side.
bleahh...
thank you god.
for your grace and guidance.
feel the load on my shoulder lighten..
if only for a little bit.
there's still the question of results
but thats a worry for later.
its no nice to wake up with no particular agenda in mind.
to let the day stretch out before you
and use the time in your leisure to your pleasure.
completed 2 books yesterday.
the kite runner
written by some afghan that lifted the curtain on the entire mystery shrouding the arab state. from peace, to soviet invasion to nationalism and to the talibans...
they were welcomed as liberators, heroes bringing peace and hope.
but instead, they robbed the land of their dignity and respect becoming nothing more than acts scurrying on the ground to be trampled beneath their feet.
the genocide of the jews caused an uproar across the world due to their influence. but the massacre of the hazaras never even came to light due to their insignificance as mere servants.
the world revolves around those with power and stature. the rest of us are just simply swept along with the current and downforce produced.
and miguel street by VS Naipaul.
i think i just simply devoured them..
to make up for my lack of mental nourishment these past months.
"for you a thousand times over.."
to be able to open the door
and see him there atop the chair
about to drift off to sleep
as he waits patiently for you to return home.
he hears your foots steps and springs to life
bounding off the chair towards you
his eyes aglow
overjoyed that you are home.
as you reach over to bring him into a warm embrace
he nuzzles apprecatively into you
and you sigh
taking in his scent,
feeling the warm and comfort he brings.
sigh~ i'd do anything to have a dog
a handsome husky with just the faintest tinge of grey in his coat would be lovely..
or even an adorable golden..
but i can only dream.
i just vacumed the floor!
*beams*
proud of me?
its tiring okay.
happy birthday yewteng!*hugs*
have a lovely lovely day. love you.
the rain will always fall.
fallen back to earth with with the impact of an atomic bomb.
everything has evaporated to dust.
it just perfectly explains the nagging feeling of uneasiness the entire day.
fuck.
bloody bloody fuck.
the colors that you bring
i do not have the makings of a lazy person.
slept for 14 hours straight and now i feel worse than before i fell asleep.
didnt eat the whole of yesterday
thanks to something called a buffet dinner at crossroads.
feeling somewhere inbetween weak and lathargic.
screwed up math and divinity yesterday
bleahh.
the night air was welcoming and lovely.
felt that familiar rush of anticipation and excitment as i stepped out of the car.
the road dimly lit
deserted and silent except fot the creaking of the engine.
feel my gaze drawn to the bluish glow coming from the window
and my lips lift upwards at the thought of a beautiful sight.
but the early morning held much more
things that excited each and everyone of my senses..
bringing a smile to my heart.
swaying ever so slightly in the barely noticable breeze from the open window.
shouldnt the window be closed? you might ask..
well decided that i didnt want the room the reek of death.
so the open windows are for ventilation.
anyway, so its there, swinging..a little..
waiting only for me to step up and but my head through it.
divinity paper 3 is in less than 24 hours and i still dont have anything to study from.
sorry dear i know that this is a little late but yarh..been disconnected from this entire world wide web...
pathetic has taken on a new meaning...resorted to using the computer at yewteng place. on top of not having internet..my SCVs gone too...can you see me cry? and add that to the fact that i cant seem to find hebrews on any of the bloody dictionarys and that i have very intelligently lost almost all of my divinity things..and what with my exam on monday. in one word - FUCKED.
becoming an insomiac. the ginormous eye bags are testimony to that.
the night does not bring comfort or rest and nether does the morning bring relief.
wish i could just close my eyes and sink into a deep deep dreamless sleep.
even if it were to be under the influence of sedatives.
but unfortunately, i do not have the pleasure of doing so.
no thanks to that thing we all so fondly call prelims.
2 more days to judgement.
dan brown with his angels and demons
together with the sudden apparent shrink in the size of Singapore
and the exceptionally long slient journey home
together with other unexplainable factors
like a sudden burst of vivid memories
and the immensely wondering mind
has put me in a rather reflective mood.
ronan keating's screaming if tomorrow never comes
from the little black boxes next to my computer
sorta just adds to the mood doesnt it.
lifes like conquering an absurdly tall hill
and for some reasor or other
you just keep plodding on upwards
perhaps just to see what greets you at the top
or instinctively just moving forward
each leg of the journey
bringing diffent sights sounds and smells.
have just decide to halt
turn and take a look behind
at everything that i have passed.
see the marks i've left behind
the places i've passed-
open plains littered with butterflies and flowers
each one a pleasant memory
and countless smiles
the dense thick jungle
dark and menacing
that with much struggle and bloodshed
i've struggled through to emerge on the other end
the swamp
stuck in waist high mud
unable unwilling to budge
just soaking and drowning in my misery.
i see footprints and marks all over
both mine and not
some writings on the sand and earth
some carved onto stone and bark
to remain etched forever in my heart.
the straight paths,
the winding roads.
dark,
brightly lit.
intersecting,
diverging.
it has led me thus far
and it stretches out far infront of me.
the past has been sealed
but a future remains to be discoverd.
if you listen hard enough
you can hear the angels sing.
barely half a minute
the blink of an eye
a flick of my hair.
surprised.
immensely.
devoid of other emotion.
for a spilt second stood frozen to the spot
reeling in shock
a smile and half hearted wave
one long stride
a turn of the head
and life resumes.
its just as though it never happened
the only proof of its existence
my heart racing in my chest.
bannaphone go see
the sister has been at it the entire day.
think i should start gagging her
stuff her mouth with chocolate balls (so she'll get fat)
and tie her to the chair
so she will shut up
and stop bouncing around.