swept up in the tide of the crazy thing that we call the weekend
a welcomed interlude from the ringing of the phones
and the glare from the computer's screen.
the weekend passed by in a blur of events
and i would like to say a huge thank you to all who have been a part of it
who helped me fill up the empty spaces of my time
put the smile back to my face.
consciously, unconsciously.
for being the railings i held on to
pull myself back after i fall
moving out from the shadows into the light.
thank you all so much for being there.
you've said it
she's said it.
i'm the only one who hasnt said it
but have any of you ever thought that perhaps i am the one who wants to be left alone?
i'm tired of being yelled at
i'm tired of listening
i'm tired of explaing
i'm tired of trying
tired of hurting
tired of crying
my tear wells have run dry
think of me fondly
when we've said goodbye
remember me
once in a while
please promise me you'll try
When you find
that once again
you long to take your heart back
and be free
if you ever find a moment
spare a thought for me
we never said
our love was evergreen
or as unchanging as the sea
but if you can still remember
stop and think of me
Think of all the things
we've shared and seen
don't think about the things
which might have been
Think of me
think of me waking,
silent and resigned
Imagine me
trying too hard
to put you from my mind
Recall those days
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do
there will never be a day, when
I won't think of you
...
please promise me that sometimes
you will think of me
beneath the warm glow of the chandelier
sinking into soft cushions
sipping drinks
the sound of a grand in the background
soothing
relaxing
an evening when hearts open
and tongues are loosened
heartache
joy
interwoven into one
recolletions of a time gone
laments over the present
worries about the future
met tracydarling and headed to ritz for drinks after dinner. felt so awfully sinful but immensely glam. its nice to have so someone reach over and open the door for you when you arrive and to be escorted to the door. sighs. a life i can definitely get used to. well missed the dear girl loads. glad she's happy. perpetually glowing i swear. the power of love. *laughs. but i'm happy for you.
i'm running as fast as my legs can carry me
i can barely make out the road in the dim moonlight
but it doesnt matter
i keep running anyway
the twigs crack beneath my feet
overhead the leaves rustle.
i bush through the dense undergrowth
the torns slicing arcoss my skin.
but still i press on
beads of pespiration streaming down my neck
my heart racing in my chest
panting
but no matter how fast i run
no matter how far
i still hear their footsteps right behind me.
i bring my hands to my ears and scream
a hollow cry that echos through the silence of the night.
no matter how far you run, you can never run away from yourself
but its not from the air conditioner
my heart is racing in my chest
i'm finding it hard to breathe
but i have not been running.
feeling uneasy, unsettled
tense, worried, anxious
this nagging feeling of doubt that is driving me up the wall
please dont let the fear be true.
but somehow, i just love the song
and everything just seems so apt
a wounded heart you gave,
my soul you took away
good intentions you had many,
i know you did
i come from a place that hurts,
god knows how i've cried
and i never want to return
never fall again
making love to you if felt so good
and oh so right
how can i be strong i've asked
myself
time and time i've said
that i'll never fall in love with you
again
you'll wake up whether you want to or not.
the flames have died. i am awake.
its not the same intense, ardent, suffocating, all-consuming desire like when i'm with you
your hold on me is so tight, so strong that i find it hard to breathe.
yet i long for it.
because your caress is gentle,
just as my need for you is fierce.
it felt more like a morning stroll in the park during spring.
the flowers all in bloom
butterflies flitting around.
a bird perched atop a tree branch merrily belts it tune.
its like the brush of cool breeze on your skin
light, refreshing, welcoming
and i cant deny the unmistakable tinge of pink on my cheeks.
i would like to say thank you. for making me laugh.
nothing much really
in fact nothing at all
cos there is nothing left worth fighting for.
i stand outside the iron gates
my back against the house
belongings stuffed into one solitary brown leather suitcase
daybreak
the first ray of sunshine kisses the black tar
brushes across my face
pushes gently through the haze
theres no turning back now
the hum of the engine
bright headlights pierce through the fog
glarring me the the eye
and i squint at the brightness of the lights.
i grip the handle so thight my knuckles turn white
the door shuts with a with a firm thud.
my gaze stays fixed on the window pane as the car pulls away
i think i see a shadow
but there is no one.
my absence hasnt been noticed.
i definitely wont be missed
the tears of heaven intermingled with my own
salty.
sweet.
large heavy droplets continue to fall
hitting
stinging
and hurting
like your words and actions.
i stand looking at the closed door
willing it to open
willing my feet to walk away.
but there i continue to stand
waiting
and my tears keep falling.
i can't
and it hurting so bad
dont say its not goodbye
cos deep down inside,
you know this is the end.
just realised that i do miss him. havent seem him in 3 months
which is an awfully awfully long time.
but then again, which the exception of 2 people, i havent exactly been seeing anyone from school much for that matter.
was on retail therapy over the weekend.
indulgences:
+heels.URS
+polo shirt.topshop
+bra.bonds
+jacket.u2
therapy failed terrible.
i am still miserable
still upset
still in pain.
its so painful
cant breathe
cant open my eyes
cant stop crying
its hurting so much.
how could you bear to do this to me
i cant
That will always have your heart
You'll never see it coming
Cause you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me
It's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby ooh you'll always be my boo
Do you remember girl
I was the one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl
I was the one who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and
People screaming your name
Girl I was there and you were my baby
It started when we were young girl
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taking over
But its still in your eyes
my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other in awhile
but you will always be my boo
I was in love with you when we were younger
You were mine my boo
And I see it from time to time
I still feel like
my boo
And I can see it no matter
How I try to hide
my boo
Even though there's another man who's in my life
You will always be my boo
Yes I remember boy
Cause after we kissed
I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy
The moment I knew
You were the one
I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame
And people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby
to let it slip away"
yet there is nothing that can be done.
it was all nothing but an illusion
someone has turned on the lights
and i awake to a living nightmare
the mist is clearing
all that greets me are four bare walls
the ceiling is leaking
a puddle of water in the corner
cracks all over
loneliness
soliditude
silence-
loud and deafening.
all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
bathing the earth in her light and warmth.
a cold draft blows from the air conditioner
increasing exasperation
sharp words that cut pierce and hurt
glares thata send daggers straight to my heart
pleas into helpless cries
cry
tears that flow swiftly down
staining the white cotten sheets
why does it always have to be like this?
there will always be a reason.
and you build me up just to tear me down
over and over again
the bitterness of disappointment
gall on your tongue
my nails have turned purple
my skin coarse to touch
goosebumbs across my flesh
i need the warmth that only you can bring.
the brilliant hues and fresh fragrance a welcomed interlude
orange orb in clear sea of blue
outstretched arms embrace me
draw me into her bossom
into her warmth
before finally she surrenders
to the cool air of the night.
thanks dear for everything these past few years. have a blessed day. may all your dreams come true. i love you
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed
Somehow you would be here
Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
All that you dreamed I could
Too many years fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die?
Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
No more memories, no more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me say goodbye
the diamond begins to loose its lusture
the gifts, candy sacrifices and whispers words
come to nothing
its flaws paraded under the bright glare of the morning light.
the lack of heart
the lack of truth
glistening gems are worthless
your love - priceless.
when i first arrived, there were 10 of us
and now, there are only 6
and when i leave,
if i leave, that makes 5.
talk about rapid down-sizing.
feeling school-sick.
wishing i was back in the familiar class rooms and lecture teatres again.
listening to the teachers boring voice drone on about some alien material that i have to will myself to understand.
miss frantically copying down notes
miss fighting to keep my eyelids open
miss sitting among my friends and drinking in the chatter all around me
miss the sweet aroma of food
miss the sunlight that streams in through the windows
hell i even miss my uniform -
that soft cotton on my skin.
never in my dreams did i ever think i would miss school.
foilage to its already weak pale light.
waves running across the jet back waters surface
unable to break
crashing against the shore
rain falls
ripples all around
adding another dimention to turbulant face of the sea
gale blows
rocking the floating mass of concrete on the sea
rustles my hair
the cold
sends shivers down my spine.
embraced by the welcoming arms of the night
shrouded in the darkness
i have missed you.
face as black as coal
robbed the house of its joy and laughter.
thunderous voice echoing off the walls.
bastard.
keep your filthy hands off me
the phone continues ringing but there is no answer
denied the refuge that i seek.
the solace that i cannot find.
have put myself in an unretractable position.
there is no more turning back
brace myself for the pain
No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm and calm you
Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears
I'm here, with you, beside you
To guard you and to guide you
Say you love me ev'ry waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you need me with you, now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you
Let me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You're safe, no one will find you
Your fears are far behind you
All I want is freedom
A world with no more night
And you, always beside me
To hold me and to hide me
And say you'll share with me
one love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you'll need me with you here, beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
thats all i ask of you
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you
Share each day with me, each night, each morning
Say you love me
(You know I do)
Love me
That's all I ask of you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Love me
That's all I ask of you