*threading on ice



"i'm a goofy goober..YEAH"

i've nearly forgotten what its like to be a kid again

i've nearly forgotten the beauty of languid afternoons
doing nothing
just being there
comfortable silence
gentle reassurance

*just like an answered prayer

life is stronger than death, love is stronger than fear and hope is stronger than despair

drive a nail into the wall
and the hole will always remain
it doesnt matter how hard you try to patch it
how many coats of paint you layer on
because
beneath it all
it will always still remain

but

why let one small barely noticable blemish
tarnish the entire face

i refuse
i absolutely refuse

i dont know what lies ahead
and of what it will bring
but i do know
that if i dont take the first step
i will never find out

*sing a rainbow

so take the photographs and still frames in your mind
and hang them on the shelf in good health and good times



played ball last weekend back at st nicks
thankfully they left the courts alone
so apart from its state of abandonment
it has thankfully been spared the disfigurement imposed on the rest of the school building
it felt lovely to be back
racing across the court under the scorching sun
the shouts and calls
the thumping of the ball on the ground
a sound dearly missed

i suck now though.
RAHHS

its something unpredictable
but in the end its right
i hope you had the time of your life

*there's paper promises and alibis
theres certainly uncertainty in all our eyes

the magnolia blue sky is dotted with bales of cotton sailing along gracefully with the breeze
the wind rustles the leaves
cools the hot flush of my cheeks
runs through my hair
skims my skin
i see the vast ocean stretched out before my eyes
crystal clear waters
i see them all
their smiling faces
frolicking in the sunlight
sparkling
glistening
calling out to me
inviting
enticing
i smile
take a step
but the splash does not come

*if you want i'll try to love again

last day of the HP today
that means an end to 5 days of being ms seng
i'll miss them both
bryan esther
relieved p6 science class today
realised how much of all my stuff i have returned to my primary school teachers
everything seems vaguely familiar yet foreign
the faint ringing of a bell in the distance

played pool with ben after class
yes yes. sera with the cue. unbelivable but true
felt old in the pool hall
and elsewhere in town
among all the little children let out of their pathetic classrooms on a holiday
i know it sounds mean
but it think they should be permanently locked up.

dinner!
not very tasty unfortunately

*stars shining bright above me

happy birthday ben

i'm not suppose to have favourites but i cant help it
bryan is just such a darling
cute
obedient
well behaved
its teaching kids like him that make it all worthwhile

stepped back into that concrete jungle with its tall towers
their height and stature made me feel immensely tiny and insignificant
oppressive even
but since we were only just strolling around
i enjoyed the sparsely populated streets
(unlike town over flowing with screaming little children)

just received bad news
fuck
i'm pissed

*dream a little dream of me

happy belated birthday viviendearest

first day of work at the tuition centre
and its offical
i detest boys
esp those named shaun
he should count himself lucky that he his not hanging from a noose from the ceiling
yes
patience IS a virtue.
well back there tmr
thankfully he's in neither of my classes next week
hope it stays that way

dinner with the parents at newton
their way of saying that they're happy with me i guess
had a good time
its been awhile since we've headed out
how dumb to think that after cafes and restaurants
all that i am longing for right now is meepok
which i STILL havent eaten
rahhs

*always will be

i waited
but it never came
didnt come as a surprise
but i am disappointed
i really did expect more from you
but i wont cry
i have no more tears left for you

and so it is
just like the morning fog lifting
the haze clearing
i see the sunlight in the absence of smoke
the lush green of the trees
the brilliance of the flowers

with a loud resounding thud the lid shuts
a creak as i turn the key
and then a final click
barely audible in the silence
bolted and sealed
gingerly it is lowered into the ground
a chest of memories
to be burried beneath the earth
to while away with time
and perhaps with time
the wounds will heal.

*no love no glory
no hero in her sky

i stand at the breakwaters as the waves play at my feet
inviting and pleasant
neither menancing nor threatening.
the sun gracefully dips below the horizon
like a dancer taking her last bow before curtain call
bathing her audience in hues of red and orange

turn around to face the shore
and i see a figure approaching from the distance
run forward to greet you
or run away into the open arms of the sea
i can only stand rooted to the ground
uncertain and unsure

*two less lonely people in the world

last day of work yesterday
goodbye octagon
goodbye vault
happy to be rid of dusty brown envelopes
black arch files
mountains of paperwork

but yet this has without doubt been the best job ever
morning breakfast before lockup
hours spent in the comfort and safety of the shelves
slacking bitching gossiping
1130 93.3
lunch and mr teh tarik
edith, prisc
i'll definitely miss working with you both.

so now i'm offically jobless
well till monday at least
before i attempt to take on a classroom of children
lovable i hope
wish me luck.

*the curtain falls

i hear laughter and chatter in the distance
faint at first
barely audible
than stronger
louder
closer
a ray of light slips in through the crack in the door
inch towards the noise
the glow
press my ear against the wood
drinking in the glorious sounds
bathing in the gentle gentle brilliance

perhaps its time.
but yet
can i?

*sail away into the grey sky morning

initial shock
slow relisation
then joy
as a smile spread out on her face
and reached her eyes
sparkling and shining

prisc's surpise birthday lunch yesterday
had such great fun planning it
everything turned out according to plan
except one minor glitch
where her surprise guest was terribly late
but oh wells shall let that pass
one word
perfect

*forget these wide eye fears

god
ms chia
lijie edith ryan
and everyone else that has studied with me
helped me
never ceased to believe in me
thank you

its not excellent
but hopefully it'll be good enough
and already i am more than grateful

to all those who did well and are happy with their results:
congratulations
to all those who arent:
*hugs*
take heart. have faith. there is always light at the end of the tunnel. this isnt the end of the road.

and so it is
just like you said it should be
we'll both forget the breeze
most of the time

`damien rice

*glow of the candlelight

good luck for tonorrow my dears
have faith

dinnered with bean edith and jingyi yesterday at indochine
had a lovely time
the food was great
the company even better
its been a long time since we've sat down and chatted
i've missed them
and had an easy enjoyable time
comfortable in me and my own skin

for the 2nd time this week tried going to kazbar
but for some reason it was crazily overflowing
so headed to another bar/pub instead
the place is secondary
the friends primary
though i really felt like killing the obnoxious intoxicated slob behind me hollering at the top of his voice.
left sober enough to still be able to walk in a straight line and think sensibly.

its official
i detest tequila

*whispers in the morning


jon johnson
sweet sweet eye candy

the death knell has sounded
the hour glass has been turned
and time is ticking away
as i await my fate
i can only pray